Congratulated on being pregnant with another baby! I mean, not to my face. “Hey Bro, Congrats! I see you guys are having another one!” Someone says to Cory. Cory’s facial expression must have been worth a thousand words as he stared dumbfounded.
“Yea, Meg must be pregnant again. I just saw her. I swear I had just seen her and she had like a six pack and now you can see her bump”
Laughing Cory’s response was, “well she’s not pregnant that I know of.”
So yes, I’ve been congratulated on being pregnant again. Pregnant for the third time. Only I’m not! No, I’m not offended. I’m well aware that a females body is one of the weirdest things most people will ever come across. We bleed for no reason every month and with no wound. We can grow full size humans in our stomach in just 9 months. Miraculously we then create milk as if out of no where. We have hormones that will make us lose our shit for no reason, ball for no reason, or feel bliss for no reason at any given time. We grow hair in all the same places as a male but somewhere down the line someone decided we shouldn’t have it so we shave, wax, and laser to get rid of it. This is just the beginning of a long list of things that make the female body practically alien.
Many people who are not adult females with children are not aware of some of the wonderful changes in the body that come after those children. Like how your boobs go from a C cup to non exsistant and ready for training bras in a matter of days, or how your hair all of the sudden starts growing in differently and your thin locks look like an afro within a couple of months. No one blames them for this. How could they possibly know. They have never personally experienced it and people don’t really talk about it.
I think when it comes to woman and weight, or more specifically stomach size, most people live by a general rule of thumb these days that you never say a word about a woman being pregnant unless you are 100% sure. You know, like they tell you themselves, or they are literally in labor! Outside of those two occurrences most people steer clear of saying congratulations to any woman who may look pregnant.
This is not to say that they don’t speculate to others.
“Is she pregnant?”
“I don’t know, she does look big. Maybe she just put on weight.”
“I did see her eating a second price of cheesecake at the last holiday party”
“Oh yea and she had two slices of pie at Thanksgiving too. I bet she’s just getting fat.”
“Yea but I also saw her tearing up at the holiday party AND rubbing her belly. Plus she looks TIRED!”
Ok first things first. Holiday parties and Thanskgiving, totally legit to eat multiple desserts. I mean who doesn’t have a slice of apple AND a slice of pumpkin at Thanksgiving! Second, did it occur to anyone that I might be rubbing my stomach because I ate too much and sad because I really wanted to try the third dessert flavor, and potentially in a food coma at that point! Quit speculating people. The truth is we just never know the situation. Also, it’s likely none of our business.
On the other end of this, many women who are pregnant prefer not to share the news until 12 weeks down the line because it can be extremely difficult to cope with should something happen to the pregnancy before then and that is the point at which the risk reduces significantly. If this is the case, we shouldn’t be digging for an answer. This person is going through enough trying to figure out how on earth they are going to keep this to themselves in the first place. That’s enough stress right there. They don’t need you staring and whispering. What should you do in this case? You should walk over and share a dessert with them so they don’t feel alone!
People don’t do this to be rude. They do this because they are curious, and don’t want to seem insensitive for not congratulating or acknowledging the pregnancy if the person is pregnant and sharing that news, but they also don’t want to seem like a jerk for calling the person fat if they are not pregnant. We are so cautious about things we can and cannot say that we often make it worse because we don’t just come out and say it, or ignore it all together.
So for me personally, fear not, I will just come right out with it. I have a baby bump! I have 2 babies. I had one 4 years ago and one 9 months ago. Those two beautiful babies left me my very own baby bump. So thank you for acknowledging their gift to me.
I am a fitness addict. I get the right nutrients everyday. I eat healthy the majority of the time. I tune up my nutrition with a 3 day plan, 4 times per year. I can almost see my six pack abs . . .almost. Even with all these things, I get dressed in the morning and wear something just a smidge too tight and that lovely little gift my children left my body to remember them by is right there staring everyone in the face.
I have always had a smaller frame. This means that any little bump shows big time. If I am bloated one day I tend to look real big because that’s not normal for me. So this summer while at a family event and carrying an 8 month old on one hip, and a diaper bag on the other, a family member noticed that gift. Keep in mind this is at a time that I have amped up my fitness because I am trying to get into the healthiest shape I can after feeling crappy for 9 months prior to having my daughter. I left the party and my significant other came home later to tell me that he was congratulated on me being pregnant again.
Cory has told me a few times depending on what I am wearing in the morning that I do look a little pregnant. He isn’t telling me this to be cruel. He is telling me because he knows I value what I look like when I go to work because I don’t need something so simple to cause a distraction. I appreciate the observation. Some days I change and others I don’t.
On the complete other end of this, I have also gone to family events and received comments that I look “skinny”. When you are working on toning and muscle, this isn’t exactly what you are hoping to hear. I am told often that I need to “eat a pizza”.
This is where I tend to get confused. Why is it ok to say “You look skinny”, but not ok to say “You look fat”? I think this might be a whole new topic. So back to my original topic, the baby bump.
Like I said earlier women’s bodies are weird. How is it that within the same month I can be told I look too skinny and be told I look pregnant and my bump is showing. All at a time when I am working my ass off on my healthy choices, and some morning feel great about the fact that I can see my ab muscles and my biceps without flexing!
I can eat too much or just something specific one day and the bump comes back. I wake up the next day and my stomach looks like something off baywatch. How is this real? It looks worse in a tank versus a swimsuit.
I realize you might be thinking, that’s not even bad, or that’s hardly a bump. And your body may be very different. However, for me, the difference is obvious and apparently so for those around me based on comments I receive. Don’t be fooled, just because my frame is smaller doesn’t mean I don’t go through the same internal battles each day.
All in all, women’s body’s are crazy weird! If she’s a mom, she probably has a baby bump in some shape or form, at some point in time. If you are uncertain or afraid to ask, just ignore it. If you are close enough they will tell you if they are pregnant when they are ready. If you are not that close but see this person a lot you will know in a maximim of 9 months, and if you don’t know this person, who cares!
My point is this, a woman’s body is a crazy thing and a crazier thing to live in. It gets even weirder when there are two people living in it, and slightly bent out of shape after the second person moves out. This is normal. We can handle it, and there’s no need for someone else to worry about it.
For those other Mama Aliens out there who are going through the progression of reshaping post baby or babies, you are normal, this process is normal! It will always be a working progress. No matter what you see on someone else, how well they dress to hide it, how many times you change your clothes before you leave the house, how quickly the muffin top came off someone else but won’t seem to go away on you, don’t ever forget that your organs were recently relocated by a live human growing inside you midsection. Please don’t lose site of the fact that everyone started their pregnancy at a different point in their life, everyone went through something a little different when attempting to evict that tiny human from their stomach, and everyone goes through different motivations, energy flows, and abilities based on the personality of that tiny human that they just created.
Whether you bump was here and gone and is here and won’t go, just own it! You live in an alien suit and completed something many can’t do! You’ve already won!
My bump made these! These make it worth living in my alien suit. How about you?